


There's a Hole in My Soul (Can you fill it?)

by CheersToEngland



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Meet-Cute, minor narry - Freeform, minor zerrie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-22
Packaged: 2018-03-31 16:25:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3984856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheersToEngland/pseuds/CheersToEngland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is depressed and lonely, and Liam is the perfect boy that volunteers for the suicide hotline.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There's a Hole in My Soul (Can you fill it?)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back, I bet y'all though I died. Sorry it's been like forever, but between school and work I really haven't had any time, but now I'm almost graduated and completely done with high school so you can expect some activity out of me. Here's a thing I've been working on for like forever and come Monday you'll get another fic that's for the Lilo fic exchange so yay. Hope you enjoy. If you'd like to talk, drop me a line on tumblr (@threecheersforengland), I'm actually going to attempt to start using it properly so we'll see how it goes. Title taken from Bastille's 'Flaws'. Happy reading.

Louis sat staring at the dialed number, too afraid to press call. Of course it was better than what he could be staring at. His stomach churned, he felt sick, like he could throw up, not that there was anything to throw up considering he hadn't eaten in days. He rarely left his room. Now it was starting to affect him. His depression came and went but when it came it was at full force. He hid it though, lying in bed, pretending to be sick. His mum had the girls to worry about, not him.

The depression started when the bullying started. They called him, 'faggot,' and 'fairy' when he really wasn't and once he discovered that he was in fact gay, it got worse, because he couldn't be, it was wrong, but he was. He had told his family once he had come to terms with it. His step dad didn't take it very well. Louis didn't like to blame himself for the divorce, but he knew he contributed to it. Now the family was struggling and he could only helplessly watch them.

He needed help, he was just too afraid to ask for it. When Zayn told him about the suicide hotline, it was because he was so worried, Louis wouldn't talk to him so Zayn suggested he tell a complete stranger. Louis thought he was crazy then, but here he is now, staring intently at the phone. He quickly pressed call before he had the chance to back out again.

He chewed on his lip nervously as the phone rang. Finally after what seemed like ages (really just three rings) a voice answered.

“Help hotline,” said a friendly voice, Louis stayed silent, not knowing how to respond. “Are you alright?” the voice asked, Louis' heart flipped at the genuine concern he could hear, he let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

“Um yeah, well physically at least, if that's what you meant,” he replied awkwardly.

“Good that's good,” the voice replied, “I'm required to ask you some things first if that's alright, I know you'd probably just like to get some things off your chest, I promise I'll be all ears in a minute.”

Louis couldn't help but smile, this boy was absolutely adorable, he's like a little puppy dog. Louis wondered what he looks like. “That's fine,” he nodded, forgetting the boy couldn't see him.

“Why are you calling?” the boy started.

“Well uh,” Louis coughed awkwardly, “I guess I'm just lonely, wanted someone to talk to.”

“Do you have any friends to talk to? It might be a little more comfortable for you that way.”

“Actually my friend recommended I call. He was worried and said it might help if I got advice from someone that doesn't know me, can't judge me,” he explained.

“That makes sense,” the boy answered, “Are you feeling like you're going to do any harm to yourself right now?” he asked, quietly.

“I don't really know,” Louis told him honestly, “I'm thinking about how easy it would be, to just do it, you know? But I don't know if I actually would.”

“I wish you didn't feel that way,” the boy replied. His sincerity was absolutely killing Louis.

“So do I,” he mumbled, but he shrugged it away, “but I called so that's a step.”

“It's a huge step,” Louis could hear the smile in his tone, he imagined if the boy was here, his hand would be covering Louis' gently. It was crazy because Louis didn't even know the boy's name and his heart was already fluttering rapidly from him, but Louis couldn't let himself get attached. This was the boy's job, he may care, but he didn't know Louis at all.

“What's your name?” Louis blurted out, “Or I guess you don't have to tell me, just curious, I'd like to call you something.”

“You can call me Lee,” the boy, Lee, told him.

“Okay Lee!” Louis said enthusiastically. He wondered what it was short for, Leeroy, Lenard, Leo? Louis shook his head, he'd drive himself crazy trying to figure it out.

“And you are?” Lee asked.

“Helpless,” Louis muttered before he could stop himself.

Lee gave a light chuckle, “I'll be your help then,” he decided.

Louis smiled, “Alright,” he agreed easily.

“So what exactly can I help you with?” Lee asked him.

“Well,” Louis started, “I suppose I should just give you the basics. It started a few years ago really. I guess I was a little different and people started to make assumptions that turned out to be true, and that only made things worse really.”

“Okay,” Lee said slowly and Louis realized how extremely vague he was being.

He sighed, “I'm gay,” he explained, “Some people aren't okay with that,” he bit his lip, like he thought Lee would be one of those people.

“People can be pricks,” Lee frowned.

“That they can,” Louis agreed, “I've kind of gotten used to it. I mean I do have people that are accepting, but sometimes it gets to me, like I'll never be good enough.”

“You're more than good enough,” Lee told him, “Don't let those douchebags make you feel inadequate, you're so much better than them,” Lee encouraged. He sounded so sincere it almost killed Louis, how could someone who didn't know him at all?

“How can you be so sure?” Louis asked timidly.

Lee took a deep breath before explaining, “I was just like you, I was afraid to stand up to the bullies. They called me horrible things, made me feel like absolute shit. It was a really rough patch in my life. I didn't want to deal with them anymore so I shed the weight and built muscle, by the time I came out no one wanted to mess with me, I know they still don't accept me, but the fact is that I'm happy being myself and they can't take that away from me.” Louis was shocked, he honestly didn't expect for Lee to share so much.

“Wow,” he couldn't think of anything else to say. Lee just chuckled.

“I'm sure you're a wonderful person, you just have to see it for yourself before you can let yourself be happy. There's nothing wrong with you, being gay is perfectly alright. You're finding someone who you love and what could be wrong about that?” Lee was defensive, Louis wished he could feel so strongly about it, but he couldn't when all he wanted to do was change.

“You don’t even know me,” Louis pointed out, going back to his old ways and shutting Lee out.

“Sure,” Lee agreed easily, “But that doesn’t mean I don’t care or don’t want to help you. I’ve went through it. Not having any friends to vent to, feeling completely alone. It’s a dark place, even if I’m dim, I want to be some kind of light.” Louis’ heart fluttered. How was Lee doing this? He was jumping into Louis’ heart like no one had before and it shouldn’t be allowed, it just shouldn’t.

“Well um thanks,” Louis offered, “I know it’s your job and all.”

“No,” Lee cut him off, “It’s not my job. I mean for one I volunteer and two I just genuinely care. You’re a lot like me, whether you want to be or not, and I’ve come out of some very hard times, I’d like to see you too.” Louis blushed at that, not that Lee could see, so he didn’t bother hiding it. He didn’t quite know how to respond so he just kept quiet.

“Tell me something about yourself,” Lee said after some silence, “Something happy, something that makes you smile.”

“Well,” Louis thought, taken aback by the question. He had a lot to be happy about really, but the things that were bad made everything dull in comparison. “My best friend Zayn. He’s pretty spectacular. I mean visually he’s like sex on legs, it’s a shame he’s straight really, but his girlfriend is wonderful and he loves her to death so I can’t complain. But he’s been with me through thick and thin. He always finds a way to make me smile, and I’m grateful for that.”

“He sounds like a great friend,” Lee commented. Louis merely nodded. “What about family?” Lee asked, somewhat hesitantly.

“Well it’s just me, my mom, and my four sisters. They’re great as well. I mean it’s rough, her with the five of us, but we make it work. God those girls are my life. They’re all little shits but I couldn’t live without them,” and the truth of those words stung. That was his main reason for staying, he couldn’t just leave them.

Lee seemed to catch on to this, “There’s always a reason to stay Louis, I think you have plenty. It’s alright to feel down as well, you’re allowed to be sad and you’re allowed to be on your own sometimes, but don’t put distance between the ones you love, because they love you right back.” Louis was crying now, silent tears running down his cheeks.

“Yeah?” he murmured softly.

“Yeah,” Lee repeated, and god it was stupid, but all Louis really wanted was for Lee to grab his hand at that moment. He didn’t know anything about this boy, but he found so much comfort just from his voice.

He sniffled before wiping the tears away, “Enough about me though, what about you?”

Lee chuckled, “Pretty sure this isn’t supposed to be about me.”

“Yeah, but it may get my mind off things, just focusing on you instead,” Louis countered.

“I see your point, what do you want to know?”

“Hmm,” Louis wondered, “Honestly anything, whatever you find interesting.”

“Okay, well um. I was born with only one functioning kidney,” Lee started. “Had to go through massive amounts of treatments as a kid, so I spent a majority of my time in the hospital.”

“Well that doesn’t sound fun at all,” Louis frowned, cutting in.

“It wasn’t,” Lee agreed, “But here’s the fun part. About a year ago I went to the doctor for a check on it and my other kidney had miraculously healed.”

“Psssh, there’s no way, kidneys don’t just heal.”

“I know. But it did. Obviously I’m still careful, but I assure you it just healed out of nowhere.”

“Maybe it was never broken, I’m fairly certain a thing like that can’t heal on its own,” Louis decided.

“It did though, I would know, I lived through it.”

Louis rolled his eyes, “Alright whatever. Give me a real story this time. How did you find out you were gay?” Louis asked.

“Well aren’t you nosy,” Louis just giggled, “Fine I’ll tell you, but you have to tell me in return.”

“Fine,” Louis agreed.

He could almost hear the smile in Lee’s voice as he began to speak, “It was a dark and stormy night,” Louis huffed, paused, as if to glare, “I was out with one of my best mates from the football team, getting drinks at this random bar, it was apparently open mic night, and there was this singer, indie singer, he was a regular I guess, the crowd loved him, and well I did too. He was gorgeous and he had a voice to match. I couldn’t keep my eyes off him, even after the performance.”

“Sounds like a real catch,” Louis scoffed, a bit jealous.

“He’s pretty unreal. Anyway he caught me staring later in the night and came to talk to me. Tried to buy me a drink actually and I embarrassingly had to tell him about the kidney. He found it endearing though and we both ended up drinking apple juice and getting to know more about each other. I hadn’t even realized that my friend had bailed on me until the bar was closing. He offered to walk me home though, which was very polite. He was very polite, raised very well that one. Anyway he kissed me when he dropped me off. It was very awkward I’m sure you can imagine because I was straight at that time, or at least I thought it was. I stiffly said goodbye, but I couldn’t get him off of my mind. Thought about him not stop. How fit he was, his voice, his lips. And I realized it then. So I went back to the bar and told him the truth. He was very accepting, even willing to try with me while I had no idea what I was doing.”

“Well I’m happy you have such a great boyfriend,” Louis awkwardly stated, “I hope I can find someone that makes me that happy someday.”

“Oh we’ve broken up since then,” Lee told him, “Actually he’s dating one of my good friends now, we were better off as friends, though he did teach me a lot about myself which I am very grateful for.”

“That’s good,” Louis blushed, “I mean good that you’re still friends and all,” he finished awkwardly.

“It is good,” Lee agreed, “It’s also your turn.”

Louis felt sick once again, “Darn,” he said weakly, “I was hoping you’d forget.”

“Not a chance.”

Louis really did want to tell him. Lee had such good advice and he would understand Louis’ situation a lot better than anyone else, so he took a deep breath and began, “Everyone already thought I was, I was called lots of things, I guess I just gave off a girly vibe, I don’t really know. I was so sure I wasn’t gay though, but looking back I think I was just denying it because I didn’t want to be made fun of more. I met Zayn about three years ago. He’s possibly half the reason. He was new to my school and I found him unbelievably attractive. Surprisingly, he befriended me. For some time I was in love with him, I hated myself for it. Because I couldn’t be gay. It wasn’t right. When I finally accepted that fact, I hated myself for falling for someone who would never love me back. He had met his current girlfriend by that time and was gone for her. He tried to set me up with one of her friends, a wonderful girl, I’m friends with her, but that was the tipping point. I came out shortly after that and everything got worse,” there was a long pause as Lee didn’t know what to say, “I suppose my fondness for David Beckham should’ve been a tip off though,” he joked trying to lighten the mood.

He heard Lee softly chuckle, “Everyone finds him attractive though,” he pointed out, “Everyone says I look like him, but I don’t see it. That man is a god.” 

Louis rubbed his temples. Of course Lee would be a Beckham lookalike, and of course Louis was already slightly gone for him. “Well I’d have to see to be the judge of that,” he responded nervously. Lee just coughed from the other end and Louis worried that he had crossed an invisible line.

“How are you feeling now,” Lee broke the silence.

Louis really hadn’t thought about it, “Better I guess, I’m not thinking about it anymore,” probably because his mind was only on Lee. “Thank you, for listening to me, I’m sure you didn’t have to for this long.”

“Anything I can do to help,” Lee responded happily, “I probably overstepped some boundaries but if it’s helped you then I hardly care.”

Louis smiled at that, “You’re a wonderful person Lee, talking to you has helped me a lot.”

“I’m glad, and if you ever need to talk to someone, I’ll be here, just ask for Lee,” he assured him.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” there was another awkward pause. “Lee,” Louis questioned, his voice sounding small once again.

“Yeah?” Lee responded, sounding once again worried.

“Will you stay on the line until I’m asleep, just to be safe?” he asked quickly.

“Of course,” Lee told him, and Louis was sure he was heaven sent. He laid down in his bed getting as comfortable as he could, listening to Lee babble about life, obviously trying his best to distract Louis and put him to sleep.

“Lee,” he interrupted, “You can call me Louis, that’s my name,” he spoke once again when Lee was silent.

“Louis,” Lee repeated, and Louis really loved how he said it. “Well alrighty then Louis,” he said before proceeding with his story. Louis just smiled and fell asleep to the sound of Lee’s excited voice, talking about football like it was the most magical sport on the planet.

*

When Louis awoke, his phone was dead from being on for so long and a blanket had been draped across him. Courtesy of his mother he supposed. He got up, plugged his phone in to see a few messages from Zayn, inviting him for coffee. Louis texted him back, saying he has just woken up and would meet him in about an hour. He waited for Zayn’s text of approval before hoping in the shower. He caught a glimpse of his face before stepping in. He looked tired, but he shook that away. He was just meeting Zayn and probably Perrie and her friends, so he didn’t care. His shower got relatively long as the events from the previous night filled in his mind. Was Lee real, or was it all an act. He seemed too good to be true. Even if he was, there was nothing saying he would be into Louis. He was probably just being nice because he felt bad.

It was crazy because Louis really didn’t know anything about him. Didn’t know what he looked like. Hell, he didn’t even know his full name. Louis felt himself sinking back into sadness. Sure he believed in that love at first sight shit at times, but he’s only talked to Lee for one night. He can’t possibly be catching feelings, and yet he is. It’s not like he’ll ever talk to him again most likely. He wanted to stop these thoughts but he couldn’t, really he just wanted Lee there to comfort him. Silent tears ran down his face while the water ran cold. Eventually he had to step out, realizing he was supposed to meet Zayn soon. He reluctantly stepped out and dried himself. Of course his eyes were a little puffy from the previous night, but it was honestly a normal look for him. He tossed on some baggy sweats and a hoodie, if he felt like death he may as well look the part, before walking out the door and down a few blocks to the coffee shop.

By the time he got there, Zayn was already impatiently waiting on him holding black coffee for himself and tea for Louis. Perrie sat beside him drinking some fancy drink and gossiping with her friend Jesy, who happened to be a barista at the little shop. Zayn gave him a once over but said nothing about his appearance. 

Louis rolled his tired eyes, “I know I look like shit, you don’t have to pretend I don’t.”

Zayn shot him a smirk, “That doesn’t mean I have to point it out either,” he shrugged, “Too bad though because there’s a fit lad over at the corner table that Jess is going gaga about and he looks like your type,” he nodded in the direction of the table. Sure enough three guys he hadn’t seen before were sitting there, drinking coffee and laughing loudly. They were all attractive definitely, but the blonde one and the curly haired one had their arms wrapped around each other so Louis assumed they were taken. 

However, he was struck by the third boy. He certainly was fit, muscular as hell, with a buzz cut and tattoos covering some of his arms. He had an adorable puppy dog face, as he was pouting at something the curly haired boy said. But Louis could tell it could turn hot instantly. Of course today of all days had to be the day he looked and felt like utter shit.

He sighed loudly before burying his head in his hands. Zayn rubbed his back comfortingly. “You could have given me a warning before I came,” Louis lifted his head to glare at Zayn.

 

“They showed up like a minute before you got here,” Zayn defended himself. 

Louis sighed, “Still,” he mumbled, just wanting someone to blame. At this point he just hoped the attractive lad didn’t notice him, so he kept his normally loud voice down and focused more on his tea. Causing it to be finished quickly. He sighed, getting up to throw it away, unfortunately placing him closer to his exact type. He kept his head down, and really with his luck that day he should have predicted that he would bump into someone, “Shit sorry,” he apologized quickly to the ground, not wanting to draw any attention to himself. 

“No it’s my fault, should’ve been paying more attention,” the stranger responded, yet Louis recognized that voice. Deep and rushed, the same voice that had comforted him last time. He slowly lifted his head only to be meet with a smile from the doe eyed boy. Louis couldn’t help the small gasp of shock he let out.

“Louis, right?” the boy questioned hesitantly.

Louis nodded shyly, “Lee?” he asked back.

Lee nodded rapidly, “Yeah, or Liam, that’s my full name, but Li works really call me whatever you like,” Louis was shocked that this devastatingly perfect man was so nervous around him. He was also endeared though, he gave Liam a slight smile.

“Um, I guess I should thank you properly for helping me last night, I could get you another drink if you’d like,” Louis suggested, slight burst of confidence coming out.

Liam smiled widely, “I’d like that.”

Louis smiled back, before walking Liam to the counter, buying them both another round of tea. Liam unfortunately was one of those people who put more sugar than tea in the cup. 

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since last night,” Liam confessed once they were seated.

“Me either,” Louis admitted, happy his thoughts weren’t one sided.

“I’ve never really believed in fate or signs, but I’m not sure this could be anything else,” Liam decided. Louis nodded in agreement, blowing on his tea to cool it slightly. “How are you feeling?” Liam questioned, furrowing his brows worriedly.

“Better,” Louis genuinely meant it, “especially now.” The smile Liam gave him warmed his insides more than the tea, and even though Louis knew he didn’t look appealing, Liam was looking at him like he hung the moon, and Louis felt amazing.

They talked for a while, Louis found himself falling more and more for this boy, now that he wasn’t a stranger. It must have been a while because Zayn walked over to tell him that he and Perrie were headed off. Louis felt a little bad for ditching him, but it’s not like Zayn wasn’t in good hands.

“You certainly weren’t kidding, he is very god like,” Liam giggled, Louis felt a tinge of jealousy, but he waved it away.

“Please, so are both of your friends,” Louis gestured to the two boys that were surprisingly still there, though they seemed to be too caught up in each other to notice anything else.

“Don’t tell them that though,” Liam joked.

“Although they aren’t quite as good looking as you,” Louis said hesitantly, locking eyes with Liam.

Liam gulped, “I don’t know, I’m not really anything special,” he replied modestly.

“Please, you’re perfect,” Louis blurted out, blushing and quickly looking down once he realized that he had actually said that out loud.

“Well though I don’t quite agree, thanks,” he smiled, “You’re quite amazing yourself Lou, don’t doubt it,” he carefully lifted Louis’ chin, meeting his eyes once more. Louis was sure he was going to kiss him, but Liam just smiled, “Would you like me to walk you back?” he offered. Louis just nodded, throat still too dry to speak. Liam took their cups and threw them out before leading Louis out the door.

“Shouldn’t you tell your friends you’re leaving?” Louis pointed out.

“Nah, they seem to be doing fine,” Liam shrugged, easily reaching for Louis’ hand and lacing their fingers together. Louis blushed and smiled at the ground. The walk back was silent, but not a bad silence, just a content silence, their hands swinging between them as Louis leisurely lead Liam to his home.

He didn’t want it to end, though it wasn’t exactly a date, it had been the nicest one Louis had ever been on, but of course it had to end eventually. Once at Louis’ doorstep, they stopped, Liam turning to face him. “This was nice,” he told Louis.

“It really was,” Louis gave him a small smile, not wanting to go inside quite yet.

Liam pulled out his phone, “Here,” he handed it to Louis, “I’d like to do this again sometime so I was hoping to get your number, that is if you’d like to of course,” he babbled nervously.

Louis shut him up quickly, “Of course, you’re a wonderful person Li, I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to spend time with you again,” he handed the phone back to Liam, number now entered in. Liam grinned brightly, darting in quickly to kiss Louis’ cheek, but lingering once Louis didn’t stiffen or pull away.

“I’ll call you,” he promised before heading back the way they came. Louis just smiled, watching him go. He waited until Liam was completely out of sight before walking inside. And if he danced around a little bit and sang a little louder while he prepared dinner that night, it was just a coincidence. And if he dreamed of brown puppy dog eyes that crinkled up when he smiled, well that was just fate.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think, any feedback is good feedback :)


End file.
